Having her Cake and Eating It

Having her Cake and Eating It

In the time of lockdown, Mya and Samuel met on a facebook group for disgruntled local residents. Complaints were racketed about like dog-chewed tennis balls. Speaking of dogs, something really must be done with the owners of the beasts that foul our pavements. 

But with the Corona spring, concerns turned inward. Exactly how many rainbows was acceptable to display in one's living room window? We will judge our non nurse-clapping neighbours won't we? For heaven's sake, was ordering a take away charitable or wreckless in the current climate? And it was into this divisive discussion that Mya and Samuel waded. SUPPORTING LOCAL BUSINESS was IMPERATIVE they found themselves both interjecting one day. Mya took an instant shine to the profile photo of this man so vehemently of her own opinion. Two kindred spirits advocating for the surrounding stocks of yuk sung, wonton, sheek and shami kebabs, to be kept flowing. 

One Tuesday evening or was it Wednesday? Couldn't have been Thursday - that's when Mya vuvuzela-ed in the street. Anyway, she'd just finished a youtube yoga session and was feeling a little more flexible and frisky, a little more yummy than the norm. So she clicked on Samuel's face. And sent him a DM. 

From there things escalated between them like the speed and spread of the virus. One minute they were strangers, the next they were face timing all hours of the night. They believed righteously that they should set an example of helping out the little guy and so it was decided to order a regular supply of cakes for themselves from a selection of deserving, independent bakeries. 

One Friday night or was it Saturday? Couldn’t have been Sunday as that’s when Mya dressed up as Cleopatra for her virtual house party. Anyhow, she’d just finished a Zoom Zumba, and, she was feeling quite loose, quite free, quite fresh, when she arrived upon an idea. It was not enough to simply order the cakes. They must take things to the next level. They must begin to eat their cakes in front of each other. 

When she made this suggestion to Samuel, he became excited and immediately consented. A simple eclair was the first viewing. And it wasn't long before politeness was put to bed, in their dimly lit kitchens. They devoured the choux pastries, licking the chocolate from their lips and sucking the cream from their fingers. Their phones projecting pixels, forming visions of the other's great enjoyment. 

At first this was all it was - a single spoil mutually consumed a couple of times a week. But it became apparent, very quickly, that this was not enough for

Mya. She had been furloughed and all she could think about was when she could get her next fix. Samuel, however, was still working from home and the frequency they had established suited him perfectly. He became perturbed by Mya’s appetite. It soon had to be every evening. Then every day. Then any hour of any day or night, messages would light up his screen. It was time to sample the blondies, the brownies, the cardamom knot, the cinnamon bun, the blueberry and thyme laminated brioche. On conference calls, voice notes urged him to try a passionfruit cruffin. At first light his phone buzzed, demanding a Danish dulce de leche. Last thing at night, images of pasteis de natas would beg for him. Mya was insatiable. He told her no, no more, he was done. They had come to the end of the road. He even attached a photo of a piece of rocky road to try and temper things. But Mya was not prepared to stop what she had started and persisted in patisserie themed bombardment. 

That was until Samuel had an idea. Enough was enough. One day he sent Mya a recording of her ecstatic demolition of a lemon meringue tart, closely followed by a screengrab of a facebook page, zoomed in on a ‘post’ button. Unless this sweet excess soured immediately, Samuel would share the intimate affair with all and sundry of the discontented local group. Some food for thought. Mya, alarmed, called a halt. The corona courtship thus ended as fast as it had begun. 

And that is where the story ends. Though, one Tuesday, or was it Wednesday? It couldn’t have been Monday because that’s when Mya embarked on live, online meditation. Anyway, this particular day, Mya had just completed a virtual pub quiz when she found her eye lingering on one of the participants. The next thing she knew she was making contact and agreeing strongly with the importance of supporting local, independent breweries. 

Liz Churchill